A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
Submitted by Mahmoud Zeidan

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Submitted by: Elise Owen, Dalian China

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
Submitted by kara dolson

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Submitted by Fred G. Stone

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
Submitted by Jim Sperling

The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."
The man replys, "By the week or by the month?"
The agent answers, "By the garbage dump.."

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.
Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee
Waitress : Is it enough Sir?
Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?
Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
"No, I'm sorry I don't."
"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

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